Computers and Karma
by tiedwithribbons
Summary: Snively's left alone in Robotropolis while Robotnik goes on patrol. He writes an e-mail complaining about his uncle, but what happens when Sonic hits "Send?" Yeah, it's a lame summary, but give it a look anyway!


Snively was bored. Not just in a "Ho-hum, everything's a little dull today" kind of way, but in an "If something doesn't happen soon, I'm going to SHOOT myself!" kind of way. He wanted something-ANYTHING-to happen: a tornado, an earthquake, a battle with the Freedom Fighters. Snively would have even welcomed an invitation to a Britney Spears concert, and we all know how awful SHE is.

Why was Snively so bored, you ask? Well, you see, that morning Robotnik (or as Snively had recently dubbed him, "My Lord Tub of Lard") had decided to go on patrol himself, thus leaving Snively in charge of what was (according to Robotnik) the most important part of being in charge of Robotropolis, which turned out to be...keeping track of Old Lardo's expenses. Yes, really. Why a tyrant who had conquered most of the planet would even _need_ expenses was something Snively could not understand, but the last time he had asked, Robotnik's answer had been to grab his "dear" nephew by the nose, and inform him in no uncertain terms that the matter in question was for Robotnik to know and Snively to never find out, and he would not stand being questioned about it again. And since Snively had a fondness for keeping his bones intact, he had wisely decided to remain silent on the matter.

Really, though, can you blame him for being bored?

"Let's see now... 60 Mo-bucks for polish and wax for Swat-Bots (although WHY, I don't know, because that stupid hedgehog keeps destroying them just when I've buffed them to Fatty's satisfaction), 50 tubs of chocolate ice-cream for Fat Boy at 8 Mo-bucks each, which is...let's see, where's the calculator gone? Ah, here we go... 400 Mo-bucks? I do NOT believe this! That good-for nothing lard bucket is supposed to be supreme dictator; the least he could do is order those stupid retailors to give him this stuff for free! I'll bet he only does it this way to annoy the heck out of me." He sighed. "Well, seeing as how I don't fancy the idea of being stuck in the med-ward for the rest of the month, I'd better get this done. Now let me see,where was I?"

He was startled out of his thoughts by the activation of a computer, and something appearing on the screen. Glancing at it, he saw straight away what it was.

"Oh, great." he muttered. "Another e-mail from the idiot brothers."

For weeks now, Scratch and Grounder had been pestering Robotnik for a computer of their own, until he had finally given up and ordered Snively to make them one-anything to make them shut up. As it had turned out, they had no idea how to use a mouse or keyboard (he'd tried to teach them, but when Scratch started trying to use the mouse as a foot pedal and Grounder started banging the keyboard against the monitor, he'd given up), so he'd had to create a special voice program for them. The idea was that they just told the computer what to do, for example "Print", and it would do it, but sometimes they forgot and would get into one of their arguments. While this wouldn't normally matter, they both had a love for e-mail, and as any word they said would automatically appear in the e-mail, a serious report would become the stupidest thing possible.

Snively briefly considered deleting the e-mail,but then decided against it. After all, while he would rather cut out his own tounge than admit it, he had a small fondness for the dumbots, and besides, reading their e-mail would probably take the edge off his boredom. So, abandoning the expenses, he turned his full attention to the e-mail.

He could see straightaway that the two of them had had another argument:

_Yo, Needle-Nose! Scratch here with a report from the east side._

_**Scraaaaatch! I wanna turn!**_

_Hey! Butt out, Drill Face! I got here first._

_**But you used it last time!**_

_So what?_

_**So that means it's my turn!**_

_Is not!_

_**Is too!**_

_Is not!_

_**Is too!**_

_Is not!_

_**Is too!**_

_Is not!_

_**Is too!**_

Snively was starting to get a headache, so he scrolled down until he saw a part where they had stopped fighting:

_OK, where was I? Oh yeah! All's quiet so far. No signa that stupid hedgehog, so we're heading back ta base. Hope ya get this!_

_**And tell Scratch it's my turn next! **_

_Will you shut up!_

Snively rolled his eyes. "Nitwits." Then he had a thought. Robotnik wouldn't be back for another hour, and he was starting to feel...well, a bit lonely. Why not write back?

Logging into his own e-mail account, he typed:

_Well, how nice to know that, you numbskulls! Next time, don't write unless there's something important to report!_

_Sigh...I guess I don't mean that. It's just that I've been stuck here all morning, doing Robotnik's expenses. Expenses! I ask you! (Oh, and before you get any ideas, not meaning what I just wrote does NOT mean I've changed my opinion of you). _

_If you ask me, old Fat Boy just ordered me to do it to stop me from plotting to overthrow him. Of course, HOW he knew I'm plotting to overthrow him is beyond me (but if I find out you gave him my diary again, I will PERSONALLY disassemble you! I STILL haven't gotten over the time he took advantage of my fear of weasels). _

_Well, I've got news for that old walrus! I think he's an overgrown tub of lard who's just taking up valuable space, and if I were in charge, that good-for-nothing hedgehog would be history by now! _

_Robotnik's a complete and utter idiot, and how he got to be in charge is a total mystery! He's an overgrown, ugly boil on the face of Mobius, and someday I'm going to remove him from it! I've had to put up with his insults and abuses for years now, and when I strike..._

_VENGENCE WILL BE SWEET!_

Snively chuckled to himself. He felt better after typing all that. But just as he was about to press "Send"...

"ALERT! ALERT! PRIORITY ONE! HEDGEHOG DETECTED!"

Snively groaned to himself. "Great! This is all I need!" he muttered.

"HEY SNIDELY!"

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!" Snively jumped twelve feet into the air at the scream in his ear. When he had recovered slightly, he found himself face-to-face with Sonic.

"Ok, HEDGEHOG," he spat the word as though it were a disgusting swear, "what do you want now?"

"Just thought I'd drop in and give my worse to the big round guy! But, as he's not here, I'll just have to make do!"

"Oh no you don't!" Snively snarled, raising his laser pointer.

Sonic considered for a second." Oh, yes I do!" And with that, he started zipping around the room, throwing papers, tools and anything else that wasn't screwed down into the air.

"CUT THAT OUT!" shrieked Snively, grabbing frantically at the papers. Sonic, of course, ignored him.

"Whassa matter, Needle Nose! Don't like the juice?"

"I absolutely refuse to answer that!" snarled Snively, as he pulled a small taser-like device from a drawer. As Sonic zipped past with an armful of tools, he fired.

"WAAAAAAH!" Sonic fell to the ground as a blue light hit his legs, stopping him from moving. Unseen by either him or Snively, the tools flew into the air.

Snively sniggered as he approached Sonic. "Well, well,well. How the mighty have fallen!" Then he remembered something. "Wait a second. Weren't you carrying tools?"

In answer to his question, the tools succumbed to the law of gravity. Unfortunately, each of them landed on his head. "WAH! DAH! OOH! OW! OUCH!" A falling wrench hit him particularly hard, and knocked him out cold. The device fell from his hand and landed near Sonic.

"Sweet!" He seized it and quickly used it to regain the use of his legs. He smirked at the unconsious form of Snively. "Better luck next time, Cueball!" As he was leaving, however, he spotted the e-mail Snively had written. A quick glance told him what the subject was.

"Gee, old Robuttnik would be mad if he saw this!" An evil thought came into his mind. "Yeah, it's a rotten thing to do, but if it'll get him off our butts for a while..."

Sonic looked through Snively's contacts list (which didn't take long, as there were only two names), found the one he wanted, and clicked "Send". Giggling to himself, he zipped back to Knothole.

Snively looked at his e-mail account. Something was not right here-namely, Scratch and Grounder hadn't answered his e-mail.

When he had come to after being knocked out, he had been unable to remember if he'd sent the e-mail or not. He'd assumed that he had after seeing the e-mail free screen, but he'd had no time to dwell on it. Robotnik had returned, and upon seeing the trashed control room, had slapped Snively around a bit before making him clear everything up. Of course, he hadn't believed Snively's story about Sonic, and had told his nephew/second-in-command that he was going to take a bath and if the room wasn't sorted out by the time he got out, Snively would be spending the rest of the week on crutches.

Shaking his head to clear it, Snively clicked onto Scratch and Grounder's account name, and typed:

_Ok you two, what's going on here? I know you like e-mail, so why haven't you answered mine?_

He sent it, and didn't have long to wait long until he got an answer:

_**What e-mail? We didn't get any e-mail.**_

_Hey! It's my turn on the computer, ya overgrown Swiss Army Knife!_

_**No it ain't! Ya've already had two turns, so it's my turn!**_

_Listen, ya bucket of bolts! Hand it over or I'll take ya apart with my bare hands!_

_**Bring it on, Foghorn Leghorn! **_

But Snively had stopped paying attention to them, for he was feeling confused. "They didn't get my e-mail? Then what hap-" His heart flew into his mouth as a terrible thought came into his mind. "Oh no! The hedgehog must have interfered with my account! And that means-"

What it meant was Robotnik had gotten his e-mail. And if that lard bucket was reading it at this moment-

He was as good as dead.

"Ok, ok, calm down." he urged himself. "You've still got time to decide whether you want to move to Earth or the Moon."

"SNIVELY! GET IN HERE!" Robotnik's voice roared over the intercom.

"...or maybe not."

Snively quivered and shook as he headed towards Robotnik's quarters. He didn't know what was going to happen, but he hoped his death would be quick and painless.

"Ok, don't panic. If this is the end, you should face it bravely. After all, at least you'll never have to see his ugly face again."

He soon appeared at Robotnik's quarters. Taking a deep breath, he nervously entered. "Y-you wanted t-t-to see m-m-me, s-sir?"

Robotnik shot him a dangerous look through his red eyes. "You're late."

Snively swallowed hard. "W-w-well, I-I'm very s-s-sorry, sir, b-but you never gave me a t-time limit, a-and..."

Robotnik rose from his chair and approached his nephew, his scowl deepening. "Are you answering me back, Snively? Because you know what happens when you do that..." He left the threat dangling.

All of Snively's courage fled at that moment, and he dropped to his knees, hands clasped as though in prayer. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SOOORRRRY!"

"Good! Now stop being stupid, and fix my computer!"

Snively blinked. Had he heard right? "Y-y-your computer, sir?"

"Yes, my computer! I accidentally downloaded a virus, and now I can't open my e-mails without them disappearing."

Snively privately thanked whichever holy deity was watching. He logged into Robotnik's e-mail account (which wasn't hard, as the password was "I hate that hedgehog!") and saw the e-mail that good-for-nothing hedgehog had sent. "I'll be done in no time, sir." he promised as he secretly clicked on the e-mail and watched it delete itself.

Within a matter of seconds, the de-virusing had been taken care of. As Snively headed back to his room, he thought to himself, "That was a lucky break for me! But I'm not satisfied. That hedgehog has to pay for what he tried to do." Then a thought came into his mind, and he smiled wickedly to himself. "Oh yes, this is perfect."

Sonic zipped over to his computer. "Well, time to check up on the ol'e-mails. Let's see who loves the hedgehog today!"

He activated his account, but to his horror, when he clicked on the first e-mail, it automatically deleted itself! He soon discovered it was the same with EVERY e-mail.

His scream could be heard as far as Robotropolis. In the command room, Snively chuckled to himself. "That's the thing with karma. It gets you everytime!"

**Do you like it? If so, don't forget to review! And check out my other fics and review them too!**


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